Five techniques to help introverts communicate successfully with the outside world

“Social lion,” “Emergency exit,” “As if,” and other tricks will help an introvert have a good time at a party, cope with public speaking, and ask for a raise. Subscribe to our Telegram channel. We often publish such valuable articles!

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Introversion is not a diagnosis but a feature of the mental organization, in which the comfort zone is not outside but inside us. It is cozy, warm, and attractive. A fire-maned lion is running, Kant is dozing in an armchair, and Bor is eager to talk. In general, all conditions require less contact with the outside world.

The problem is that society always has its plans for us. Why would he care about our comfort? Whether you are an introvert or someone else, please be kind enough to follow social norms. So sometimes you have to leave the usual shelter and be active. Make acquaintances, pass interviews, communicate with the boss, taxi driver, and security guard, and, most importantly, talk, talk, talk. Because we will either declare our desires ourselves or they will remain unaccounted for. And this is unnerving.

How do you overcome shyness and maintain peace of mind? Learn five techniques to help introverts blend harmoniously into this insanely sociable world. Read How to stop being shy: 10 effective methods.

1. Forward technique

When will it come in handy

If you need help, ask for a bonus from your superiors, tell your neighbors that loud music is in the way, tell the seller that you have been cheated, make an appointment by phone, and so on.

How to apply

A forward in football is called an attacking player whose main task is to score goals. The striker defends the interests of the team by attacking. And this requires a certain amount of aggression. For introverts, aggression is directed inward, not outward, so it is always difficult for us to ask, insist, and protect our interests. We also love to think about the opponent’s reaction: how he will react to the request, whether he will get angry, whether he will be able to answer or whether he is busy with important matters. In indecision, we can walk for hours.

Take the liberty to take the first step and send the ball to the interlocutor’s side.

Act without thinking.

Start with everyday situations, and then transfer them to more significant ones for you.

The secret of this technique is to get out of the beggar’s position and take the place of the player protecting the interests of his team. Mentally shift the focus from yourself to your loved ones. Asking for someone is always easier. For example, you ask for a salary increase to pay for your son’s courses and; a discount from the seller to buy more products for the family dinner. Remember also about the inner Kant: loud music from the neighbors prevents him from dozing. Read I'm an introvert and won't come to your party. I have better things to do!

2. As if

When will it come in handy

On a date, at an interview, if you have to speak in public, at a crowded party, and so on.

How to apply

Introverts tend to overthink and doubt. And the quality of thoughts, as you know, directly affects feelings and behavior. Let’s go the opposite way.

Start behaving as if you were the life of the party, a charismatic speaker, attractive, sexy, easy — possessing those qualities you lack for self-confidence. Fake it until you succeed. Be proactive, smile, keep up the conversation, and share knowledge and experience.

The more you act as if you are confident in yourself, you will become confident.

The emotions you experience will change the way you think. No miracle: even simulated positive emotions send signals to the brain, responding to which endorphins begin to be produced. In psychotherapy, this method is widely used in the treatment of various anxiety disorders.

This technique’s secret is making “as if” a part of ourselves. An imaginary space where we can feel confident and expressive helps us to relax and gather in various life situations.

3. Emergency exit

When will it come in handy

During a decisive conversation, with new acquaintances, at noisy events and other “obligations”.

How to apply

I love this tactic for being versatile and effortless. Introverts are forced to live by social norms invented by extroverts. “I must be sociable,” “I must show that I have fun,” “I must please,” “I must participate in wedding competitions,” and “I must not worry” — these are just a few that I have heard over the years of my work. All these “shoulds” kill any sense of freedom and lightness in us and completely confuse us.

Develop your own rules that do not prohibit but allow. Allow yourself to be yourself, to reckon with your characteristics and desires. For example:

  • it is allowed to worry before a necessary acquaintance;
  • it is allowed not to leave the house for three days after the interview;
  • it is allowed to come to the party, check in, and leave;
  • it is allowed not to go to the birthday of a second cousin;
  • it is allowed to simply nod in a conversation without answering anything.

And so on.

The secret of this technique is to remain in your comfort zone in any unique environment and be able to proceed to the “emergency exit quietly.”

4. Power saving mode

When will it come in handy

When you work in an open space, speeches are at private or official receptions when participating in lengthy negotiations.

How to apply

During intensive communication with introverts, the same happens with a smartphone battery in the cold: the charge drops before our eyes. And the remnants are only enough to escape from everyone and slam the door behind them with relief.

  • To avoid complete misanthropy, learn to restore energy in time.
  • Don’t try to do everything and everywhere. Set short-term goals and move towards them step by step. If possible, plan no more than 1-2 public events per week.
  • Allow time for proper rest after meetings.
  • Take breaks in speeches and negotiations to be alone with yourself. 
  • Leave a crowded workspace periodically, go to a quiet cafe, go outside, or just put on your headphones with your favorite music.
  • Arriving at a party, do not immediately rush to entertain others with conversations. Gradually immerse yourself in the atmosphere: look around, sit on the sofa, take a few photos, and ask the host to introduce you to the guests.
  • During the evening, go to the balcony, garden, or other secluded places to replenish your strength and take a break from people.
  • A book downloaded to the phone can be a good helper. A few minutes of reading will bring you peace of mind.

The secret of this technique is not to waste the last of your energy on communication. Take breaks to re-energize by being in peace.

5 Social Lion

When will it come in handy

In situations where it is simply necessary to make new acquaintances, communicate and make a good impression.

How to apply

Let’s not dissemble: introverts are not brilliant conversationalists. “What to discuss if everything is clear anyway,” we think. Is the weather bad, you say? Well, it’s winter. Don’t understand the new movie? What do you want? It’s von Trier. What do I think about proper nutrition? I think this is a promising idea.

In situations where you still need to get to know each other and communicate, I suggest using the “Secular Lion” technique. People forced to frequent events don’t put a lot of energy into the conversation. They have learned to have a superficial but pleasant conversation. Anyone can master this skill. The small talk consists of opening, supporting, transitional, and closing phrases. Learn a few in advance and build a dialogue using them as a constructor.

Opening phrases are an opportunity to start a conversation. For example:

  • Good evening, I’m Julia. What a cozy place, right?
  • Good evening, do you know what this music is?
  • Hello, nice to meet you. I’m Anton, senior manager.

Supportive phrases are pertinent questions that engage in conversation.


Are you close to the topic of today’s report? What seemed interesting? Have you read the new book by this author?

Do you like Asian cuisine?

Transitional phrases will help when the conversation starts to dry up, and there is frightening tension from the fact that there is nothing to talk about. Then you can return the conversation to what has already been discussed. For example:

  • You said that you are a doctor. What profile?
  • You mentioned children. Where do they study?
  • We discussed the new film. How do you feel about theater?

Introverts have lovely intuition. If you feel that the interlocutor is not in the mood to continue communication, it is better to end it. The final phrases will help with this:

  • Excuse me. I must leave you and greet my colleagues.
  • She was glad to meet us. I wish you a good evening!
  • Excuse me, but I have to take a call. See you later!

If your interlocutor decided to take his leave first, let him “escape,” briefly wishing him good luck. And don’t forget that small talk lasts an average of 5-7 minutes. The secret to this technique is to relax and not take the conversation too seriously. Small talk allows you to establish communication while maintaining the distance an introvert needs to feel comfortable.

Find the right way for you to overcome your fear of communication. Then it turns out that among those around you, many people are ready to respond and help, and those who, like you, take the first step with great difficulty but, in the end, become your best friend.

Take the Menteora career guidance test; artificial intelligence will name your most suitable professions. The accuracy of the test is 70-80% because we use a mathematical-statistical algorithm (read about Menteora's unique career guidance methodology).