How to stop being shy: 10 effective methods

Excessive shyness can interfere with both personal life and career. Subscribe to our Telegram channel. We often publish such valuable articles!

Often, shyness means that you are an introvert. Take the Menteora introversion test. As a bonus, artificial intelligence will list the most suitable professions for you. The accuracy of the test is 70-80% (read about  Menteora's unique career guidance methodology ).

1. Make a list of problem situations

It is better to start solving the problem with the analysis. Therefore, do not be too lazy to remember and write down all the situations in which you feel embarrassed. Be extremely specific. Instead of “talking to people,” indicate which people you are talking about: strangers, members of the opposite sex, or people in power.

It already seems more solvable when you break down a problem into parts.

Then try to arrange the recorded situations to increase anxiety (most likely, calling a stranger causes less anxiety than speaking in front of an audience).

In the future, this list can be used as a plan to combat shyness. Starting small, you will overcome more and more complex situations for you. And with each new victory, the feeling of confidence will grow, and shyness, respectively, will decrease.

2. Fix your strengths

Another list to help you fight shyness should be about your positive qualities. As a rule, the cause of shyness is low self-esteem. Fight it mercilessly, reminding yourself of your splendor (this is not a joke).

Try to find the flip side even of the shortcomings. It may be difficult for you to conduct a long monologue, but you are an excellent listener. This communication skill can and should be used as well.

3. Decide on a goal

Any action becomes much more effective when it is purposeful. Constant embarrassment interferes with life, but you need to explain what it prevents you from doing. The formulated goal may become an impetus for overcoming the old problem.

4. Practice

Skills need to be honed, and habits that interfere with life should be systematically eradicated. All this applies to sociability and shyness. Here are some ideas that you can use as a kind of workout.

  • Reprogram yourself. Imagine that your shyness is a program in the brain that runs in response to specific situations, and you, as a computer user, have the power to influence this process. Try to go from the opposite and do the opposite of what you are used to. Do you want to hide in a corner at a party? Go to the thick of things. Have you caught yourself thinking you are taking a position of deaf defense in a conversation?
  • Try asking the interviewee a few questions.
  • Talk to strangers. Try to talk at least once daily with one stranger (preferably with a random passer-by). You will likely never see him again, so feel free to hone your communication skills with him.
  • In general, communicate more. Try to use every opportunity to make contact with people. Tell jokes, agree to speeches, and say hello to those you often meet but never greet. Tell them everything you plan to say in front of the right person. After a rehearsal, it will be easier to speak.
  • And always prepare for public speaking. But don't limit yourself to just repeating the speech. Visualize your future success with the audience. It will give you confidence.

5. Focus on others

The problem with shy people is that they overthink themselves and the impression they will make on others. Try to redirect the flow of thoughts from yourself to others. Be interested, ask, empathize. Anxiety about your behavior fades into the background when you focus on the other person.

6. Try new things

Get out of your comfort zone. This step will positively affect your self-esteem and diversify your life. You can enroll in sports and art courses. Improvisation workshops help liberate.

7. Watch your body language

Eye contact, correct posture, speaking loudly and clearly, and smiling and shaking hands firmly inform those around you of your confidence and openness. Moreover, with these signals, you deceive your brain a little and begin to feel more accessible.

8. Say “no” less often

Much has been said about the importance of the word “no.” But shy people should avoid it. Their refusal is often dictated by fear of the unknown and unreasonable fear of shame. To stop being shy, learn to say yes to life's opportunities.

9. Learn to manage anxiety

Some physiological responses associated with shyness can be difficult to overcome. Someone begins to stutter or forgets the most straightforward words. It is impossible to stop this with one effort. The ability to quickly relax, with the help of deep breathing, will help to cope with the problem.

10. Don't advertise your shyness

Do not focus your attention and others on the fact that you have communication problems. It is how you label yourself and subconsciously reinforce the belief that shyness is your permanent trait.

Even if others notice your embarrassment, pretend that this is an accident and talk about it lightly, not as a severe problem. Are you starting to blush? Say that this is a feature of your body, not a stress reaction. And never characterize yourself in front of strangers as a shy person. Let them form their own opinion and notice other, more exciting things about you. Read What to do if you always present yourself awkwardly.

Take the Menteora career guidance test; artificial intelligence will name your most suitable professions. The accuracy of the test is 70-80% because we use a mathematical-statistical algorithm (read about Menteora's unique career guidance methodology).